


Damn Your Kiss

by mysunyourmoon



Category: Bandom, Cobra Starship, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M, Ryden
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-04
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-02-24 01:03:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2562359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysunyourmoon/pseuds/mysunyourmoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Honestly, what the hell was Ryan thinking when he accepted Gabe's offer? In no universe would this be a good idea, not since both Cobra Starship and Panic! At The Disco are under Fueled By Ramen's label. They were bound to run into each other eventually, it just happened a little sooner than Ryan expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this originally started out as a joke but I proposed to idea to my lovely friend Sarah Anne and she loved it, so I thought why not? Disclaimer: i obviously do not own the bands and none of this actually happened. No, Jon and ryan did not join Cobra Starship. Please enjoy.

It all started on the twentieth of October; Ryland and Alex had since quit Cobra Starship, and Gabe Saporta was in search of a new guitarist and bassist. Why, Ryan thinks, he thought of him and Jon, he has no idea. He could've simply asked other people, made some new kids famous, done something other than ask them, but he did. He called Ryan, told him about everything that happened, kind of made him feel sympathetic, asked him to join. Ryan was hesitant at first, another band? “I asked Jon to be the new bassist. He's in.” Gabe had told him, only it wasn't true, because he still had yet to call Jon. If hearing about Ryland and Alex leaving wasn't making him feel bad enough, this definitely did it. Gabe probably told Jon that he was going to ask him to join, Ryan thought. Ryan couldn't leave Jon hanging again, so he accepted Gabe's offer. Thankfully, Jon accepted as well. 

So here Ryan is, packing his suitcase, getting ready for his first tour with his new band. It's been several months of being in Cobra, and Ryan still has yet to actually feel apart of the band. He feels awkward, invasive, almost temporary, as if he thought Ryland was going to burst through the door and demand Ryan leave so he can play again. Is this how Jon felt when he first joined Panic!? No, he couldn't have felt this way, it was obvious that the band would never had considered letting Brent rejoin. It makes him nervous thinking about tour. What makes him even more nervous is no one will tell him who they're touring with! Honestly, it's a two month tour, he's pretty sure he should be able to know who he's going to be sharing the stage with. “Don't worry about it.” Gabe tells him, every time. Don't worry? All he can do it worry! What if it's one of those shitty bands from the radio? He'd surely rip his hair out. No one seems to know who the other band is, besides Gabe and management. Seriously, not even the fans. Will they be upset? Excited? Who knows.

Ryan's having difficulty and he can't seem to fit his worn I <3 LA shirt in his suitcase, despite how small and thin it is, when there's a knock at the door. He stalks across the hotel room, and opens the door quickly. Jon is there, suitcase in hand, with a tired smile on his face. “Are you ready to go?” He asks. The entire band stayed at a hotel the night before. “Plane leaves in two hours.” 

Ryan scratches his head and looks back at his open suitcase and t-shirt sprawled on the floor. He still doesn't understand how if doesn't fit, it fit the first time. Jon peaks over Ryan's shoulder and chuckles. “You've never been good at arranging your suitcase have you?” Ryan sighs and shrugs his shoulders. 

“Mind helping?” He asks Jon. 

-

Believe it or not, it's forty-five minutes until the other band is supposed to go on, and Ryan still doesn't know who it is. He sits quietly in the dressing room, strumming his guitar and tapping his foot. “Ryan, could you stop tapping your foot?” Jon asks. Ryan's action stops immediately. Gabe chuckles from where he's standing across the room. Ryan decides it's time he and Gabe have a chat. He stands up, shed his leather jacket, because man it is way too hot for it, and walks over to Gabe.

“Gabe, who's the other band?” he asks, getting straight to the point. Gabe looks up from his phone, eyes squinting a bit. 

“I don't know Ryan, who is the band?” He replies. Ryan takes a deep breath.

“Seriously Gabe, cut the bullshit. You obviously know who it is, and I don't know why you're not telling me.” Ryan snaps. Gabe merely shrugs. 

“You'll find out soon enough.”

-

And soon he did. Not even minutes after Gabe said it, did the lead singer walk through the door. All talking ceases, and eyes flicker between him and Ryan. Brendon-fucking-Urie stares at him, mirroring his face or surprise, confusion, and hell, maybe a bit of longing. Ryan drops his cup, and that's when he snaps out of his trance. “Bren, I mean Brendon, hey, hi.” He sputters, turning around to glare at Gabe, who's chuckling nervously. The singer blinks a couple times. He looks around the room, he spots Jon. His eyebrows crinkle together. Jon lifts his hand up a bit in form of greeting, and he nods back.

“Hey Gabe, could I talk to you for a second?” He asks. Gabe nods and they quickly leave the room. Everyone else is still silent, and Ryan is pretty sure he can clearly hear his heart beating in his chest. He can feel the slight swell of his heart against his ribs- No, Ryan isn't thinking like that anymore. Him and Brendon- oh who is he kidding, there is no “him and Brendon”. There hasn't been for years. He's moved on, remember? They both have. Brendon, he's gone off, lived his life. He got married to Sarah, he's okay. Ryan, well he's also lived his life, he's dated people. He isn't married, but that isn't important. What is important is that he's totally over Brendon, he's over what they had. Then why is he feeling the way he is? Why is his heart fluttering, well near bursting, due to the sight of him? 

Ryan is still, frozen in place. He'll be touring with his ex-band. His ex-lover. His ex-best friend. God, he's in for one hell of a ride, and so is the rest of the members. The awkwardness is suffocating as everyone stares at their shoes, or quietly whispers to one another. Why would Gabe do this? Why would Gabe get Panic! On tour, fully knowing that Jon and Ryan -especially Ryan- were not necessarily on talking terms with Brendon? Was he high when he thought about this? Ryan looks over at Jon, who's looking just as confused as he feels. Ryan tries to keep his composure as he sits next to him. “So, I think Gabe left out one little detail.” Jon says slowly. Ryan nods his head.

“Yeah, he did.” he chokes out. 

Jon looks at him for the first time since the encounter, and takes in his appearance. Despite the relaxed set of his shoulders, and the way he casually sits on the couch, Ryan looks nervous. He looks upset, frightened, even a bit angry. Jon can't imagine this is anywhere near easy for him, given their past. It's not easy for him either, being the bassist of the band until he left with Ryan in '09, but it's probably significantly easier for him. Jon puts a friendly arm around Ryan's shoulder, and turns to whisper in his ear. “Everything will be alright, okay?” If only Ryan could believe him. 

There's a knock at the door, before it opens a bit, and a head pops through the crack. “Is Brendon in here? I can't seem to find him.” They say. Ryan looks up at the voice, and when he recognizes the face, he feels like he's going to vomit. Dallon Weekes is standing there, half his body hidden from the door, worried look on his face, with a small fake smile, which drops when he notices Ryan. Confusion takes over his features as he takes in Jon and Ryan sitting on the couch, not even ten metres away from him. Victoria coughs awkwardly.

“Brendon went to another room to talk to Gabe. They're around somewhere.” Nate tells him. Dallon nods before closing the door quickly. Ryan forgot that Dallon was in the band. He forgot that Dallon had replaced him as Brendon's best friend, and stage-gay partner, or whatever the hell you want to call it. He replaced both of them; Jon as the bassist, and him as the best friend. He'll have to spend two months dealing with that. 

\- 

“So, this is Brendon, Dallon, Dan and Kenneth. Guys this is Victoria, Nate, Jon, and Ryan. You know, in case anyone forgot names or something.” Gabe says. Both bands stand across from each other, smiling, shaking hands, being friendly. Except Ryan. He stands there, closing himself off, as other socialize, get to know each other. Brendon seems to have recovered a tiny bit from the encounter earlier, and seems to be bouncy around as he usually does, greeting everyone, practising vocals and such. Him and Jon have even talked a little, and they seem to be fine. He hasn't stepped a foot in Ryan's direction, and for Ryan's heart's sake, he hopes it stays that way. Dallon seems to hover around Brendon a lot, following like a little puppy dog, but doesn't really do much in terms of actually having a conversation with him. Ryan sees it as annoying already.

He also can't help but notice Spencer's absence. When he heard about Spencer leaving last year he couldn't help but feeling sad. He never felt more upset when thinking about Spence until this moment. It was unsettling knowing that he wasn't drumming due to a horrible addiction. As much as he hopes he'll get better, he just wishes that he were here now, because maybe that would make things a little easier. Sure, Jon being here has been a huge help already, but him and Spencer have been friends since they were children. Spencer watched the episode with Brendon straight from the beginning, he watched it blossom, bloom, and die. He knew about everything that happened, even the unnecessary details. He had been Ryan's wall since the beginning, and now that Ryan needs him more than ever, he can't help, but Ryan understand that. He knows Spencer needs to get better. 

When Panic! first set the stage, the crowd goes absolutely wild. Ryan guesses that ticket sales will probably go up dramatically once news gets out. Maybe this is why Gabe asked them to come on tour? Well, he could've asked some other band. Fall Out Boy maybe? No, Ryan and Pete aren't really on good terms either... Anyway it doesn't matter, what does matter is as Gabe and Ryan stand on the side of the stage, Ryan takes the opportunity to ask some questions. “Why did you ask them to come on tour with us?” Ryan asks quietly. His eyes follow Brendon as he prances around on stage, singing one of their newer songs, one Ryan can't name. Gabe's eyes slide from where they're also watching Brendon, to Ryan, who stands there, casually leaning against the wall in his weird shoes and worn leather jacket.

“Needed to create a buzz. Panic!'s doing really well right now, so why not? Also thought I could hang with Brendon a bit.” he says easily. The song changes, and the crowd roars even louder. This one Ryan knows, he's heard it several times, and has seen a bunch of interviews Brendon has done relating to it; it's Girl/Girls/Boys. I mean, not that Ryan has watched or read any of those interviews, no he probably wouldn't be able to handle it, but he's seen gifs and quotes of them online, because damn you can't escape anything on tumblr.

“Don't you think this might be a bit... tricky?” Ryan asks, choosing his words carefully. No one outside the band knew about what went on between the two of them, but with that being said there are various reasons as to why it won't go smoothly, the split for example. Gabe shrugs his shoulders. 

“Him and Jon seem to be doing well. He hasn't talked to you at all, but I'm sure you two can be professional?” he replies, glancing towards Ryan. The younger boy still looks nervous. Could the two of them be professional? Surely Brendon couldn't ignore him the entire tour. Part of Ryan wouldn't mind that, but another part, an even bigger part, hopes Brendon would at least talk to him. 

Panic!'s set ends shortly after, they play a couple other songs, Nearly Witches being one of them. Ryan noticed Brendon mocked his line, “Here I am composing a burlesque”, what was that about? Whatever his deal is, it doesn't matter. Soon enough Ryan is mounting the stage with the rest of the band. The crowd is cheering, some cheering his and Jon's names. Gabe officially introduces them after a song, the crowd gets louder. Ryan barely takes in what's happening around him, he's more concentrated on remembering and playing the right songs. He seems surprised when the set is done, and people are calling dibs on showers. As everyone walks into the dressing room together Brendon turns to him. “Still barely sweat during shows?” he laughs, a smile spreading across his face. “Some people never change, huh?”


	2. Chapter 2

They just stay the same way, Ryan thinks. Did Brendon mean to make a reference to The Young Veins? Ryan goes to ask, but instead chuckles nervously. “Yeah... Strange I guess.” he tries to smile, but the action seems foreign to him. He's actually talking to Brendon. When was the last time he did that? Brendon smiles a small smile before wandering off in the direction of the venue exit, Dallon trailing not far behind. It is late, maybe he should go get a bunk? His suitcase is still in the dressing room, so he'll have to grab that after his -unneeded- shower. 

So there's three tour buses. One for the members of Cobra Starship, one for Panic! At The Disco, and then one for the roadies and everyone else, with a driver for each. Ryan decides to claim the bunk beneath Jon, and sits in the lounge where the two bands have gathered themselves. First night of tour, everyone decides it time to drink, and attempt to stay awake. Ryan passes on the first half, and isn't the only one, choosing to stay sober for the surely hysterical events to come. It's weird, being like this again, being in the same room as Jon, the same room as Brendon, not to mention here's barely five feet away. 

-

It's late and people have retired to their respectful buses, but Ryan and Brendon still remain. They sit on the couch and attempt to watch Aladdin, “Just like old times.” Brendon had said. Ryan chuckled dryly, yeah, just like old times. So they sit on the couch, and as excited as he seemed when the movie started, Brendon looks like he's going to pass out any minute. Ryan moves to sit next to him, and nudges him, “Brendon.” he says. The younger boy stirs from his light sleep, making a sound of protest. “It's really late,” Ryan continues. “Maybe we should turn the movie off, and you can make a bed on the couch.” He moves to walk towards the TV, but Brendon hazily grabs his wrist.

“It's nice seeing you again,” Brendon slurs, voice heavy with sleep. But Ryan can't help but wondering if he actually means that, or if the alcohol is just talking. What Ryan doesn't know is that maybe it's a bit of both. He quickly turns the movie off and scurries to his bunk, but not before tossing Brendon a blanket.

Ryan can't sleep. His mind cannot turn off. Brendon grabbed his wrist. Brendon told him it's nice seeing him again. Brendon watched, or attempted to watch, a movie with him. Brendon was also drinking, and probably won't remember it in the morning, and that irritates Ryan. What also irritates Ryan is that a bunch of them got hammered and are most likely not going to be in great moods tomorrow, or rather today. Eventually Ryan finds sleep in the early hours of the morning, listening to the quiet snores of those around him, and thoughts of Brendon stuck in his head. When did he become a teenager again?

\- 

It's been a week since tour has started, and a lot can happen in a week.

Six days since the morning he had to kick Brendon off the couch in the lounge. Their buses were taking a stop, and as much as Ryan likes Brendon, he could not deal with his bitch fit when he finally wakes up. The younger boy sleepily wrapped the blanket around him and shuffled off the bus. Ryan was kind of sad to see him go. The rest of the day was exactly like the day before, except Brendon didn't talk to him, he actually avoided him. Ryan himself sighed and moped throughout the whole day, but it was kind of expected

Five days since Ryan's first interview. The interview was him, Jon, Brendon, and Gabe. It was a bit awkward, to say the least. There were a lot of questions devoted to Brendon, Ryan, and Jon, because of the split. This made it even more awkward. Half the time Ryan was passing off questions to Jon or Gabe, and staring at his hands.

"So Ryan, how's it been working with your old bandmates again? If not working with them directly," the interviewer looks at Brendon, "Indirectly. Having them around."

The girl looks at Ryan expectantly. He takes a deep breath. "It's been weird working with Jon again, but kind of comforting. Joining a new band is always an unusual time, and since Jon joined with me, it's a friend to help." Ryan goes on a little more about how it was kind of hard to get into the groove of touring again, and how he's been hanging with new people. The interviewer looked a little disheartened that he didn't talk about Brendon at all, but honestly, what could she expect? Did she expect Ryan to announce how he loves that Brendon is on tour with him and how he likes him more than a tour mate?

More questions were asked, one of them being directed at Gabe as to why he chose to ask the ex-Panic! members to join, and not others. Ryan was nearly on the edge of his seat, because he wanted to know too. Gabe's answer was too simple for his liking. "I thought it would be easier. Jon and Ryan have toured with us before, they've listened to some of our songs. We know them, we get along with them, so why not?"

The interviewer nods. "Very true, very true. So how's it been without Alex and Ryland? Are you angry at them for their choice?" She asks. Gabe goes into detail explaining how he isn't mad at them, he completely supports their decision. 

"If that's what they want to do, I'm not going to stop them." He finishes. She nods her head and turns towards Brendon.

"How's it been touring with Cobra Starship? How's it been being around your old bandmates?"

Brendon seemed ready for this. "It's been great, even though its only been a couple days. It was quite the surprise seeing Ryan and Jon again, after how long it's been. We've talked though. It's good seeing them."

"So you didn't know they were in the band when you agreed to touring?"

"At the time we hadn't announced who our new members were. On the twenty-first of October when we announced Alex and Ryland's departure, we also announced that the bassist was from a band we toured with once. Who the bassist actually wasn't released until our show a couple days ago. Brendon and his bandmates had no idea who our new members were, but it wouldn't have mattered to them anyway, because we're a group of professionals." Gabe says. Brendon nods his head.  
"Oh! Yes, about the announcement of the bassist. Why did you choose to only reveal that your new bassist, Jon, is from a different band, and not also Ryan?"

"As a band we thought that if both of them were to be hinted at as being part of a band that we've toured with, they may have guessed that it was the pair. Jon himself had his name floating around online, but the fans seemed completely surprised when Ryan was on stage too. I liked that they were surprised. That's also why we didn't tell them who we were touring with. Secrets make for great surprises." Gabe finishes.

"So Jon and Ryan, how did you react when Gabe told you that Panic! was touring with you?" She woman asks. The group stays really silent. 

"I didn't tell them," Gabe says after a while. “But they were surprised nonetheless.”

The interview ends after a couple more questions, the same question Ryan and Brendon were asked was also proposed to Jon, who answered in a similar fashion as Brendon had.

-

Four days since Dallon approached Ryan one morning, accusing him of coming back to steal Brendon. “Brendon's married now, you do know that right?” he had said, as if Ryan was an idiot. Of course he knew Sarah and Brendon were married now, they've been together long enough. He also said it as if Ryan had planned for this to happen. Did he not know that Ryan didn't know they were touring together until Brendon walked in the door? He decided to point this out. 

“You knew we were touring together before Jon and I even knew.” Dallon rolled his eyes before stalking back to his bus. 

-

Three days since someone at a signing gave Brendon a 'gift' in a plain brown box, and ran away. On the box was a piece of paper with “Ryden is real” written on it. Ryan doesn't know why Brendon opened the box, because it was exactly what he thought it was. Inside the box were multiple fan fictions dedicated to the two of them, a box of condoms, and a bottle of lube. It made everyone a bit uncomfortable, and the bitchface Dallon was sending Ryan was nearly painful. 

-

Two days since Dallon and Brendon went out for lunch, leaving Ryan severely jealous, as he sat with Jon in their own tour bus eating poorly made sandwiches. Ryan knows that nothing is actually happening between Brendon and Dallon, or at least he hopes not, because Brendon wouldn't do that to Sarah, he loves her. Why Brendon would even eat lunch with Ryan is a complete mystery, due to them not talking an awful lot since the first night of tour, but that's not the point. The point is that he's jealous anyway, because he's eating lunch with Dallon, and not him. “Hey man, you okay?” Jon asked. The younger boy merely sighed and took a bite of his sandwich, there's no way he's telling Jon what he's thinking, he's afraid he wouldn't understand. 

-  
One day and five hours since Brendon talked to Ryan, because yes, Ryan has been counting. It wasn't even an important conversation. Brendon and Ryan were just sitting in the dressing room, and Brendon asked how he's been. He probably didn't know it would mean as much to Ryan as it did. He cares, Ryan had thought. They talked about recent concerts they've been to, and new music they’ve listened to. Ever since it happened, Ryan can't seem to stop smiling. There is no more doubt; Ryan is officially a teenager again, falling for Brendon Boyd Urie.


	3. Chapter 3

When Kenneth comes down with a head-cold from hell, after nearly passing out on stage, Gabe seems more than willing to offer Ryan up as a replacement when Brendon starts drinking, going on and on about how it's kind of short notice to get a guitarist to their next venue for tomorrow who's able to play their songs. “Don't worry about it, Ryan knows most of the songs, you'll only have to teach hm a couple.” Gabe says, with a small smirk on his face. Ryan can't believe Gabe would do this, well he can, but he hoped he wouldn't have to. After Dallon gives him a glare, the third one in a couple days, both he and Brendon agree. 

“You should come over to my hotel room so that I can teach you the songs,” Brendon tells him. Brendon starts to walk out of Gabe's room, and notices Ryan isn't following. He turns around, “I kind of meant now.” he chuckles. Ryan makes a sound of understanding and his cheeks turn a little pink. On his way out the door, Dallon sends him another glare. What's his deal? 

Brendon and Ryan stop by Ryan's room to get his guitar before entering his and Dallon's hotel room. It is neater than Jon and Ryan's and they've only been staying in them for a night. Ryan's room has dirty clothes strewn across the floor from when he was too lazy to put them in his suitcase and his aim wasn't too great. “You can just have a seat on my bed,” he says, pointing to the one closest to the window. The older boy hesitantly has a seat and waits for Brendon to grab his guitar, and sit next to him. “Alright, so the first song I'm going to teach you is Nicotine.” As Brendon starts to play the song, Ryan begins to recognize it. You'd think that after hearing the song everyday for a bit over a week, you'd be able to guess the name of the song. There were only two other songs after that Ryan had to learn, which seemed simply enough, but every time he played it wrong Brendon would move a bit closer to him to show him how to do it right, so by the time they're through the last song, Hurricane, they're right next to each other. 

“Why did you come on this tour Ryan?” Brendon whispers in his ear. “It wasn't to see me, was it?”

Ryan's breath hitches. “I didn't know you were touring with us. Gabe said that.” I wish I knew though, he thinks. He speaks slowly, making sure he knows what he's saying, and isn't spewing all his secrets. Brendon has already laid his guitar down on the bed next to him, and has his body turned towards Ryan. “I was very surprised to see you.”

Brendon studies him. “What would you have done if you knew I would be on this tour? Would you have declined Gabe's offer? Or would you have been more willing than you were?” he replies. He takes Ryan's guitar and sets it down next to him. When he gets no response, he continues. “Did you miss me Ryan? Hmm? Did you miss me after all these years? Did you miss my wit? My kiss?” Brendon's breath is hot on Ryan's neck as he kisses it lightly.

“Brendon I think you should stop-”

“Or is it my touch?” Brendon's left hand slides under Ryan's shirt, and his right is pushing him down on the bed. He leans down to whisper in Ryan's ear again as he moves to straddle him. “Maybe... just maybe, it's my fuck, right?” And suddenly Brendon is leaning in, but their lips barely touch before Ryan is pushing him off, and is grabbing his guitar. He's at the door of the hotel room when he turns around. Brendon is still sitting on the bed, his skin a bit pale and pupils dilated, looking crestfallen. 

“Brendon, you've been drinking. You probably have no idea what you're doing right now. I'm Ryan, your ex guitarist. I'm not your wife Sarah. You don't kiss me, you kiss her. I'm going to go now, get some sleep and take some Tylenol because that's going to be one hell of a headache.” Ryan says. He's out the door quickly, so quick he doesn't hear what Brendon says.

“I wish I could kiss you.” 

-

Ryan wakes up the next morning to the sound of knocking on his hotel room door. He groans loudly before rolling out of his bed. Jon's bed is already made, and the clock on the table reads 10:52 A.M., so he's probably out at breakfast or an interview. They leave the city at one. There's another knock at the door. “Yeah, I'll be there. Give me a second, goddamn.” He nearly shouts. He finds a pair of jeans and pulls them on before shuffling over to the door and opening it. Brendon is on the outside, standing in the middle of the hallway and playing with his phone. Ryan suddenly wishes he put a shirt on.

Brendon doesn't seem to notice that Ryan isn't wearing a shirt though, and for that he's grateful. “Ryan, hey!” he exclaims, a small smile spreads across his face as he slips his phone into his pocket. “I wanted to talk to you about yesterday.” he says, face suddenly serious. “I was drinking and what I did was out of hand and I pushed a lot of boundaries. It probably made you feel really uncomfortable, and I don't want you to be awkward with me. We still have a lot of this tour left and I don't want to spend it with you ignoring me. Which brings me to my next subject. I'm sorry I was ignoring you and avoiding you at the beginning of the tour. I just have a lot of bad feelings associated with you from the past, but I'm willing to move past that. You were my best friend, we could talk about a lot of different things, and I miss that. I miss you.”

Ryan just stands there, staring at the other boy. He doesn't know what to say. Does he say he's missed him too? That would be the understatement of century. He takes a deep breath, but he's still speechless. Brendon takes this as his cue to say more. “I realize that I haven't been treating yo very fairly, but you can't blame me, after the shit we've been though, but all I want is to be you friend again Ry. I want my best friend back, the one who will watch Disney movies with me, and dare me to drink a whole box of Capri Sun and laugh at me as I do, the one who reads Chuck Palahnuik books with me. I want that best friend back.” 

Ryan doesn't know why his heart feel like it breaks a little, okay he does, but he chooses to ignore it. He takes another deep breath before nodding his head. “Yeah,” he replies, voice cracking. He clears his throat. “I'd like that.” A huge smile spreads over Brendon's face. 

“Bren, are you ready to go?” Dallon asks, suddenly appearing next to Brendon. He looks at Brendon, then at Ryan, and makes a face. “We were going to get lunch, remember?” 

Brendon nods his head. “Yeah, I'm ready. I'll see you later?” he asks Ryan, who nods, and just like that, he's gone.


	4. Chapter 4

“So Bren do you want to get some lunch with me? Who knows when we'll be able to get food again once we get on the road,” Dallon says. He and Brendon are in their hotel room, getting ready for the day. “I just need to shower first and then we can go.”

Brendon finishes tying his shoe before sitting up straight on his bed. “Alright, that's cool. I'll be waiting in the lobby. Try to be quick, okay? I'm starving.” He replies. Dallon nods his head before entering the bathroom as Brendon leaves the room. 

-

When Dallon gets out of the shower and finishes getting dressed, he curses when he sees the time. It's a bit after eleven, and Brendon is probably still waiting. He sighs loudly before jogging out of the room and locking the door behind him. Down the hall he hears two people talking, Brendon and Ryan. 

“- watch Disney movies with me, and dare me to drink a whole box of Capri Sun and laugh at me as I do, the one who reads Chuck Palahnuik books with me. I want that best friend back.” he hears Brendon plead as he creeps closer. He sounds desperate. Why would Brendon want him back? All Ryan's ever done for him is treat him like shit, or so Brendon's told him. And Ryan would probably agree to hanging out again, probably make some move on him, and probably make Brendon feel all weird, and then the whole tour would be ruined. Dallon has to stop this. 

“Yeah,” he hears Ryan reply. He sounds like he's surprised. “I'd like that.”

As soon as he says it, Dallon is finally by Brendon's side. “Bren, are you ready to go?” Dallon asks impatiently. He looks at Brendon, then at Ryan, suddenly disgusted, he makes a face. “We were going to get lunch, remember?” He taps his foot. 

“Yeah, I'm ready. I'll see you later?” He asks Ryan while nodding. Ryan nods as well before slowly backing up and closing his door. 

“What was that about?” Dallon asks him as they walk down the hall and wait for the elevator. Brendon makes a confused noise, he sighs. “Why were you talking to Ryan? I thought you were ignoring him.”

Brendon groans. “Seriously Dallon? Can I not talk to the guy? We're on tour with him, I can't just ignore him! Am I supposed to go two months and barely utter a word to him? Why does it even matter, it has nothing to do with you.”

“Well excuse me Bren for not wanting you to fuck shit up again, and don't even say you never do! I'm just trying to look out for you, okay? I don't think you associating yourself with Ryan Ross, or being his best friend, would be a good idea. You'll get hurt in the end. I just don't understand why you want to hang around with someone like him.” Dallon says, hailing a cab.

Brendon steps back from him, a horrified look on his face. “Like what Dallon? Like what?”

“Nothing Bren- just forget about it. Forget I said anything. Now let's go.” He grabs his arm and pulls him a bit towards the awaiting cab. 

Brendon rips his arm from his grasp. “No really, like what? Come on, say it. Give me a fucking reason why I shouldn't hang out with Ryan, go on. Tell me what a horrible person he is, I know you've been wanting to.”

“Brendon, can we not do this now-?” Dallon asks. When Brendon doesn't do anything but stand in the middle of the sidewalk, arms crossed, and foot tapping, Dallon waves the cab off. “He's probably still in love with you.” If Brendon were taking a drink, it would surely be spit all over, because the thought of Ryan still being in love with him makes him cackle, instead he settles for laughing. “No, you laugh about it, but deep down you know I'm right. Have you seen the way he stares at you? He isn't over you Brendon.”

They stare at each other, Brendon with wide eyes. The idea of Ryan being in love with Brendon seems idiotic to him. Ryan left the band. Ryan left what they had. Ryan left him. Not the other way around. He left, and he didn't come back. Brendon always kind of expected him to come back, to apologize and ask to be in the band again, especially after The Young Veins went on hiatus, but not even then had he returned. Ryan had given up on him, and it took him awhile to accept that. When he did, he started dating Sarah, and now look at him. He's married. Ryan isn't, but that doesn't mean anything. “I bet soon he'll start trying to put moves on you again-”

“Like you used to? Like you do now?” Brendon cuts him off. “Don't think I haven't noticed Dallon. I don't mean to be full of myself, but I see the way you look at me.”

“That's different-”

“How is that any different? Because you're married and he isn't? You apparently know your boundaries? The difference between you two is that your married and he isn't, that's literally it. Don't go shit talking him when you're basically his twin.” Brendon spits, and starts to walk down the street.

“Where are you going?” Dallon shouts after him. 

-

Dallon finds Brendon in a diner around the corner from their hotel, and all Brendon's concerned about is how soon he can shake him this time. “What are you doing here Dallon? I thought I made it clear I didn't want to talk to you?”

Dallon sighs. “Brendon the difference between me and Ryan is that I actually care about you. He doesn't. He'll use you like he did in the past. He'll-”

“Dallon, stop. Seriously. What's the worst he can do, unfollow me on twitter? There's nothing going on between Ryan and I, besides wanting to be friends again. I don't know why you think something else is going on. Don't even bring up the past again, because I know what happened. I was there. I remember. I'm a big boy Dallon, I think it's time you realize I'm not your kid and you can't boss me around. Now, unless you want to talk about something that isn't Ryan, you can leave. It seems like you're developing an obsession with him or something.”


	5. Chapter 5

It[s quarter to one when Brendon and Dallon finally appeared, the younger boy looking absolutely livid. The two boys parted ways as one went to Panic!'s tour bus, and the other walked towards Ryan. “You better fucking back off Ross, because you're going to end up screwing him over and I don't want to deal with that. I will hurt you, and I mean it.” Dallon spits at him, poking him in the shoulder several times.

“Listen Weekes,” Ryan replied, since they were apparently referring to each other by their last names now. “I'm not going to hurt him, alright? Stop acting like your his fucking mother, he can take care of himself, he doesn't need you babysitting him.” Ryan was angry. Why the hell does Dallon think he can just walk over to him and threaten him like that? He didn't even do anything to either of them! Before he can say anything, Jon is putting a hand on his shoulder, and is suggesting that they load the buses now. Ryan sends one last glare to Dallon before following Jon. 

-

Ryan's laying in his bunk, listening to his iPod when he faintly hears the door to the bunk open. He turns the volume down, and listens. He can hear the chatter of everyone in the lounge, someone playing some sort of video game, and then he hears the door closing. Footsteps can be heard as whoever it is walks down the small hall, and stop beside Ryan's bunk. “Ryan?” Brendon asks. “Are you asleep?” To answer his question, Ryan rolls over, and pulls the curtain open. He sends him a small smile.

“Hi. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be on your bus? I mean, not that I mind, but-” Ryan cuts himself off. No need to ramble. He chuckles nervously and scratches the back of his neck. Brendon smiles at him, before gesturing for him to sit up and move over. 

“Dallon and I went off on each other right before we left, and I couldn't stand to be in the same room as him, so I came on your bus. I heard you went straight to your bunk, so I assumed you were sleeping. I hung out with Cobra for a while before coming in.” Brendon tells him after they're both settled in the small bunk. “I wanted to hang out, if that's alright?” 

Ryan nods as he turns his iPod off and shoves it beneath his pillow. “i don't know what we'd do, since we're on the bus. There isn't much.” 

Brendon smiles at him. “We could just talk, y'know, like we used to. I'm not drunk this time, so most of what I'm saying will be coherent.” He laughs, and leans back against the wall. “God I miss those days. The ones where I could just sit down and relax you know?” Ryan nods, he understands, and he can't help but feel a little sorry for Brendon. He's been in this band around ten years, and he's currently the only original member. He's been in this band so long, he hasn't really had time to breathe. Ryan looks down at his hands, no really knowing what to say. The other boys notices. “If you're feeling bad, don't. Ry, if it's about you leaving the band, like, five years ago, don't worry about it okay? You and Jon left, yeah, but you had reasons, and that's fine. Don't beat yourself up over it okay? Spence and I, we were okay. I'm okay. Spencer is getting better.”

Ryan doesn't remember the last time he's cried in front of someone, so he notices when a warm tear rolls down his face and drops on to his clasped hands. He takes a deep breath, tries to recover, but suddenly all those feelings from the split, leaving Spencer, leaving Brendon, are just rushing back to him, crawling out of the grave he dug for them years ago. “Whoa, Ry, are you crying? No, please don't cry.” Brendon pulls him into a hug, enveloping him in his arms. “Shh. Ry, please don't cry. You're okay, alright? You're okay, I'm okay. Just listen to me okay, breathe.” He tightens his arms around the older boy, and kisses his temple. “Breathe with me okay? Breathe in... Breathe out... Breathe in... Breath out...”

By the time they got to the venue, Ryan was all cried out, and a little more calm than he was. He hasn't cried like a while, and it's exhausted him. After they get out of the bunk, and stretch their aching limbs, Brendon hugs him once more. “Don't worry, it's okay now. We're okay.” Brendon kisses his cheek before leaving the bunk area. Ryan's cheeks are tinged pink when he follows suit. 

-

Ryan thought the way the crowd cheered when him and Jon were introduced on the first night of tour was loud, but fuck, when Brendon introduced him the crowd doubled in volume. It was weird, being back on stage with Brendon again, and since Brendon was ignoring Dallon, let's just say he paid attention to Ryan a lot. It was as if nothing bad had happened between them, it was just like old times. Ryan sang back up vocals to the songs he knew, and Brendon would come over and sing into his mic with him. The crowd absolutely loved it, and Ryan missed it.

Downside to all this though, was when Ryan was having a break between Panic!'s set and Cobra's set, Dallon decided to approach him, for what seemed like the millionth time this tour. Before he could say anything though, Ryan had his hands up in surrender. “If you're here to bitch about how I'm 'stealing' Brendon from you, the door is to your left. I'm not doing shit, you don't need to hound me. It's obvious to everyone that you're being ignored by him, and I suggest you wait until you're done your period, and you realize that there's nothing going on between him and I before trying to apologize to him. Until those things are done nothing will be solved and you'll end up right back where you are. If that isn't what you've come to talk to me about then we'll have to talk about it later because I have a show to go do, okay?” With that, Ryan stalked off towards the stage, leaving Dallon and his shocked face behind. 

-

In celebration of two weeks of tour done, after the show is done Gabe decides that tonight they will go to a bar and party, since they have tomorrow off anyway. “Ryan, you coming?” Gabe asks as he ties his shoelaces. All of Cobra stands in the bus lounge, waiting to set out. Ryan shakes his head. “Why not?” 

“I'm feeling a bit under the weather. I hope it's not what Kenny has.” Ryan replies, laughing nervously. Gabe sighs before patting his shoulder, and they all leave. Ryan flops on to the couch and decides it's a good time to listen to some music.

-

Ryan discovers it isn't what Kenny has, oh no, it's far worse. Not even a minute after the band leaving, Ryan is rushing to the bathroom, and emptying his stomach contents into the toilet. A few minutes later there's a knock at the door. “Ryan, are you in there? Gabe said you felt sick.” Brendon calls through the door. Ryan groans and flushes the toilet before reaching up and opening the door. Outside the door Brendon is standing there with a worried look on his face. “Oh my god, Ryan are you alright?” he asks. He crouches beside Ryan and feels his forehead. “Fuck Ry, you're burning up. Did you throw up just now?” Ryan weakly nods his head before turning and vomiting again. 

“You can go, if you want. I'll be fine. Just the flu.” He says, partially hoping he'll stay. Which he does, and he puts up a fight too. No matter what Ryan says to convince him to go, Brendon ends up laying down in his bunk with him. 

“You need plenty of rest Ryan.” He says, wrapping his arms around him. Ryan sighs before he stops struggling, and lets sleep overcome him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hey guys, just letting you know that the posting times/dates of this will probably be a bit messed up, as you may have noticed, since I have a bunch of stuff to do. It'll still be updated multiple times a week though, if not continuing to be everyday, or every other day.

It's nine in the morning when someone finally comes back to the bus. Gabe knocks on the bathroom door before entering. "You guys just hang out in the bathroom now?" He asks quietly, since he sees Ryan still sleeping. Brendon chuckles quietly while shaking his head.

"Nah, Ryan has the flu or something. He was originally laying down in his bunk but he kept having to get up so we just stayed in here." He says. Gabe laughs.

"You mean 'We were'. You both were laying in his bunk. Don't freak out and deny it Bren, because I know all, and I don't care. Do what you want. And I'm assuming you guys aren't hanging out in town with us today, so let me give you some advice. We're in a hotel down the street until tomorrow at two. I'm sure he'll rest better in an actual room. I heard you and Dallon were fighting so you and Ry are rooming together. Have a fun day." He laughs before dropping a key on the counter and leaving. Brendon sighs and tightens his arms around Ryan a bit. The older boy makes a little noise, and shifts a bit, but continues to sleep. Brendon chuckles to himself. He brings his hand up and very lightly traces the boy's jawline. Ryan's cute when he sleeps, he thinks. Wait, what? He mentally slaps himself, he is not supposed to be thinking about Ryan like that. Touching his face? Thinking he's cute? What's next, kissing him? How about we don't go there. He sighs again before shaking Ryan lightly. He groans a bit, and bats Brendon's arm away before slowly opening his eyes. 

“Good morning sleeping beauty,” Brendon jokes, which earns him a soft punch in the arm. “As peaceful as you looked, I thought that I should let you know that instead of laying on the floor of a small bathroom, you could be laying on the floor of a luxurious hotel bathroom. Day off, remember?” He pokes his cheek before finally unwrapping his arms from around him, and standing up. He helps the other boy stand up. Ryan closes his eyes and groans, while he throw his arms out. 

“Carry me,” he demands in a childish tone. Brendon laughs.

-

When the two boys finally reach the hotel, Brendon's back is killing him. “Ry, can you get off now?” Gabe should have been more clear when he said “down the street” because damn, it was WAY down the street. A twenty minute walk made forty-five when they realized half way there that they had forgotten the key, and having to stop several times for Ryan to throw up on the curb, much to his embarrassment.

Ryan makes a sound of disagreement. “But Bren,” he whines, drawing out the 'e'. “I'm sick remember? And I'm tired. Sick plus tired doesn't equal walking, silly.” He tightens his grip around Brendon's neck, and tilts his head down so his forehead is on his shoulder. Brendon sighs, because he is right. He's sick, tired, and most likely weak. It'd be a crime to make the poor boy walk on his own. 

They walk into the hotel, and immediately Brendon hates Ryan. On the elevator door hangs a red sign, “Out of Order” written in nice fancy letters, even though the news was anything but. “Hey, so, what floor are we on?” He asks Ryan. He feels Ryan's arms shift as one reaches into his jacket pocket to remove he key.

“Third floor, room 13. They also gave us the wifi password. Sweet.” Ryan says. “Looks like we're taking the stairs. Giddy-up!” Brendon rolls his eyes before readjusting Ryan on his back. 

“Don't you think you could walk up yourself? My back is fucking killing me.” He complains. Ryan pouts. He sighs. “Never mind. If I drop you, it's your fault.” The older boy smiles before patting Brendon's head. 

“Away we go!”

-

Seriously though, when did the two of them turn into kids? Once Brendon had finished climbing the stairs he was actually running down the hallway, so full of energy. Once they got into their room Brendon turns around and dumps Ryan on the bed closest to the bathroom, and flops down next to him. He makes a content sound. “Sleepy time.” He chuckles, exhausted, before turning on to his side so he's facing Ryan, who's eyes are also a bit droopy with sleep. 

Ryan reaches a hand forward. “I can't imagine it would be good to sleep with these on,” he says as he removed Brendon's sunglasses. As Ryan brings his hand back to his chest, Brendon grabs it and laces their fingers, never once losing eye contact with the other boy, who licks his lips. Ever so slowly, Brendon leans in a bit, their noses almost touching. “We forgot our bags,” Ryan whispers. “but I know you don't care.” And then they're both leaning in, meeting each other half way.

They're kissing. They're kissing, and they don't mind. Brendon's hands find themselves under Ryan's shirt, caressing his sharp hipbones, and Ryan's hands grasp his forearms, pulling him closer. It's been years, around five years, and they've both missed t so much. Missed the feeling of the other person being there, missed the feeling of their lips pressed together, the feeling of their hearts as they slam against their rip cages, in sync, as one, or so it feels. It makes them forget everything that is happening, everything that happens, it makes them feel as if the only thing that matters is them, as a pair. Why did they give this up? This greatness, which could only be classified as one thing; love. 

Love? Brendon doesn't love Ryan, no, he loves Sarah. Sarah, his wife, which probably wouldn't like him kissing someone else, especially if that someone is Ryan. Ryan... Does he love Brendon? To him it seems like it, but what if he's just mistaking it for loneliness? They both pull away. “Bren... best friends don't kiss.” Ryan whispers, but doesn't move away. 

Brendon doesn't even blink. “I know.” Is all he says, before pulling Ryan in for another kiss. This one is more heated, more needy, as if they're finally realizing how long it's been, and they can't get enough of each other. They both know that it's wrong, but that doesn't seem like it changes anything. Everything is a spur of the moment thing, the opening of the mouths, the mingling of the tongues, the removal of the clothes, and the semi-painful aftermath; all the small moments that make up for one huge experience in the end. They both knew that this tour wasn't going to be easy, but did they think it was going to be this hard, this complicated?


	7. Chapter 7

It's nearing three i the afternoon when Ryan finally wakes up, and rushes to the bathroom. His knees are cold as he leans into the toilet, vomiting whatever was left in his stomach out. Wait, knees? Cold? Ryan thinks, and that's when he realizes that he isn't actually wearing any clothes, and his ass hurts like hell. Confused, Ryan grabs one of the towels on the rack and wraps it around his waist before peeking his head out the bathroom door, only to find what he was expecting; one bed perfectly made, and one bed with the blanket all twisted, random articles of clothing scattered around it on the ground, and has a naked Brendon in it. Ryan pales, which to be fair could be from the flu, but that has nothing to do with this. Ryan is scared. He slept with his best friend, his best friend who happens to be married. He quickly scurries across the room and is picking up all his clothing, quickly before Brendon wakes up.

He does successfully, and notices that damn, emptying your stomach every two hours really makes you hungry. Before going down to the hotel restaurant he writes Brendon a note and tapes it to his forehead. 

-

Brendon wakes up, and wow it feels nice to be in a bed again. He opens his eyes, only for his view to be obstructed by a piece of paper. 

“Brendon,  
Morning. I woke up and I was really hungry so I went downstairs to get some food.   
-Ryan (P.S. Put some clothes on before you come and yell at me)

Put some clothes on what does that mean? Brendon wonders, because he wears pants to bed- oh wait. He's naked. The other bed is perfectly made. Ryan's leather jacket is on the floor next to the bed he currently occupies. Events from last night quickly flash before his eyes, and he can't believe what happened. 

-

“Did you fucking plan this?” Brendon hisses into Ryan's ear. He would him in the tiny restaurant downstairs, casually slurping the soup sitting on the table in front of him, as if nothing wrong. Is something wrong? They both wanted it, or seemed like they wanted it, and they were both sober, fully aware of what was going on. Brendon ponders this, but no, that can't be right. Something is wrong. That wasn't supposed to happen. He's married to Sarah. He didn't want that. Ryan slowly turns around, his face expressionless, unreadable. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a couple of bills, tossing them on the table before standing up and heading towards the exit. “Where are you going?” Brendon demands, voice raising in volume. 

“Just come upstairs. I don't want to have this argument here. You can yell at me all you want when we're in our room, but I won't be afraid to yell back.” He says.

-  
Ryan sits on the unmade bed, and Brendon decides to stand. “So answer my question. Did you plan this fucking mess?” He asks. Ryan laughs, loud and hard. 

“Did I plan this? Yeah, I totally planned to get sick so I would vomit my stomach up like twenty times a day, just so I could get your sympathy and get you to sleep with me.” Ryan replies sarcastically. “No, you fucking idiot, I didn't plan this.” He puts his head in his hands. Everything between the two of them was going to smoothly, so fine. Everything was okay. But this isn't my fault, Ryan thinks, and he's right, well, half right. Fault falls to the both of them, it's split right now the middle. Brendon initiated it, and Ryan followed, kind of like follow the leader, or Simon Says. 

“Oh yeah? So I just, out of no where I may add, decide that hey, I want to sleep with you? When I have a wife at home? That totally makes sense Ryan, thanks.” Brendon spits at him, because seriously, is he not getting it? It seems like he's said it a thousand times already; he's married. He talks about Sarah all the time, and he's always wearing his ring. 

“Oh, so I made you fuck me? I made you give me these bruises?” Ryan asks, lifting the bottom of his shirt, and sure enough, his hips are blossoming with purplish yellow bruises. He drops his shirt, and pulls down the neck of his t-shirt. “I made you give me these hickeys? Wow, this is new, I never knew I had the ability to control people.” 

Brendon sits on the messy bed and threads his hands in his hair, because he's just so frustrated. “That's not what I mean-”

“Oh I get it,” Ryan cuts him off. “I have mind control right? I told you what you wanted to do? 'Hey Brendon buddy, you should totally pound Ryan without lube or anything.' Yeah, that sounds right, I think I remember doing that.” Brendon sighs. Maybe he needs to look at this in a new perspective. From Ryan's maybe, or third person. He thinks long and hard, and the silence it leaves it deafening.

He laces his hands together, and sits them in his lap. He stares at them as he begins to talk. “That's not really what I mean either. It kind of is, in a sense. You told me indirectly.” He sighs again, but continues before Ryan has a chance to interrupt. “Ryan I don't think you get it, the way you make me feel. I realize I'm probably spilling everything to you, but think about it. I loved you Ryan, okay? And when you did what you did, a part of me died, and then you left. I was so broken, you know? You and Jon had both left, it was just Spence and I, lost. We didn't know what to do, as a band, or individuals. He lost you in a way, because you weren't there anymore. I lost you too, but in a completely different way. 

“You make me see things differently Ryan. You make me feel things differently. Don't get me wrong, I love Sarah with all my heart, and I love being married to her, but there's just something about you Ryan; something about the thought of us, that draws me in, that traps me. And last night, you laying there, that close to me, I snapped. I've missed you so much in these past years, and I just needed to be that close to you again. I like the feeling I feel with you, but I don't think I could ever see myself being with you again.”

“Brendon, I get that. You're married. It won't happen again. Seriously. Can we just drop it? We should probably go get our bags.” Ryan says, dismissing everything Brendon had said. 

“I think I'm going to get some lunch, or rather dinner. Linner? Dunch?” Brendon replies, trying to make Ryan laugh. He cracks a small smile. “But you can go. I'll see you after?” Ryan nods his head.  
“Oh, and Brendon? The feelings mutual.” He whispers, and then he's gone. I don't know what worried Brendon more; the fact that the feeling is mutual, or not knowing WHICH feeling is mutual.


	8. Chapter 8

Ryan stumbles down the hallway, and down the stairs, putting as much distance between him and   
that god-awful hotel room. He knew, he knew this was going to happen, because honestly, what   
else could you expect? What did he think would come from having an affair with his ex-best friend   
who is now happily married? Did he expect Brendon to have feelings for him? Actually enjoy his   
company for once? Oh no, not when he has Sarah. Nice little Sarah. Perfect angel. Nothing like   
Ryan. Brendon's true better half, she is. Ryan's just some... some monster that will ruin their marriage. Yeah, a monster is how Ryan would describe himself. He's the thing everyone fears, he changes all the time. He's been many things; the dark secret, a threat, trusting, but his current form is a homewrecker. The word tastes foul in his mouth. Homewrecker. Is that really what he is? What he's been reduced to? He went from being Brendon's best friend, to being his enemy, to being friends, to being the one who could possibly destroy his marriage? Sure, there's a chance that it won't happen, but things never turn out the way anyone wants them too. The seed has been planting, and it's his and Brendon's actions that will decide whether or not the seed is watered, and grows, or is left to die, which sometimes is the better option. It's better for the majority of the included party members that this plant does grow, and Ryan tells himself he'll try his hardest not to initiate anything with Brendon. Brendon's happiness means more to him than his own, and he owes him this.

-  
Ryan did not plan this out very well. He can't remember whether he said he'd get both of their bags, or only his own. He's fairly sure that he said his, but maybe he didn't even specify? He grabs a couple articles of clothing and tosses them in a plastic bag before exiting the bus and entering Panic!'s. The bus seems empty once Ryan enters, until he finds Dallon sitting on a the couch in the lounge. He looks at Ryan and smirks. He sets his phone down next to him. “Have a fight with Bren-Boy?” he asks, voice taunting. Ryan's face twitches. He told him? He seriously told Dallon that they had a fight? Even after the fight the two of them had? “Calm down, he didn't tell em anything. Your face says it all.”

“Maybe my face is like this because I'm in the presence of trash.” Ryan says, scurrying past him, into the bunk section.   
“Bottom left, closest to the door.” Dallon calls. “IF you and him had a fight, why are you running around getting his shit for him? He isn't your front man anymore, you don't have to bust your ass all the time trying to keep him happy.” With only a short glance at a photo of Brendon and Sarah taped to the wall, Ryan grabs some of Brendon's things before going back tot he lounge.

“You say that like it's a chore. Like he's always unhappy, and its your job to make him feel better. You make it seem like you mind, but we all know you don't.” Ryan spits at him. “You're almost as bad as me, as I was, you know that? The way you look at him. The way you always try to have some sort of contact with him, whether it's a hand on his shoulder, or on his arm. It's bad, and it's noticeable. I'm surprised Sarah hasn't noticed yet, I really am.” Dallon looks away. His phone vibrates, and he continues to look out the window. “Oh, she has noticed has she? Sucks dude. You follow him around like a lost puppy. It's that bad. Do both of us a favour and sort your twisted shit before commenting on mine. Hypocritical isn't much of a desirable characteristic.”  
Ryan might secretly be in love with Brendon, but at least he just doesn't throw it out in the open. He doesn't have his own wife he'd hurt.  
-  
Brendon's on the phone when Ryan gets back. Ryan tosses him the plastic bag, before going into the bathroom. He changes his clothes and brushes his teeth, since his mouth still kind of tastes gross from throwing up half an hour before. He leaves the bathroom just to hear the end of Brendon's phone call. “Yeah, alright. I'll see you soon. Love you.” Ryan throws his bag on his bed. “So uh, Sarah's gonna be hanging around soon. When we go to New York we're staying four days, so she's going to visit. It'd be nice to see her. Just thought I'd let you know, and you aren't surprised.” Brendon tells him. “And thanks for the clothes, you didn't have to.”

Ryan shrugs. He knows Brendon did this on purpose, because this is the perfect thing to keep the two of them apart for a couple of days, without anyone asking why. Part of him thanks the younger boy. “I was there anyway. There might be puke on them though.” Ryan jokes. Brendon makes a face before chuckling. “Hey, did you get some food yet?” 

Brendon looks up from the game he's playing on his phone. “I haven't actually. I was kinda waiting for you to get back.” Ryan smiles shyly at him before asking if he'd like to go get something from the diner down the street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for ignoring this story for what seems like forever. I kind of took an unannounced break, and school got tricky, and then when I came back to it, the whole document of what I had for this chapter was just hashtags?? But anyway, I rewrote it and changed some things because I didn't like how it was anyway. If I decide to go with what I ahve planned, then things are about to get kind of dramatic. Sorry again.


End file.
